When it comes to personal matters, you might find it hard to talk about strange things. After all, we can’t always say what we want to say as well as we’d like, and our lives always shape us. But there is something very simple that some people find hard to do: saying no.
This can be fixed pretty easily, as long as you are aware that you need to break the habit of always wanting to please others and not being able to say “no.” If you want to learn how to say no without feeling bad, keep reading. Time and health will be on your side.
Be Concise
If it’s hard for you to say no, and you always end up doing favors and jobs that you shouldn’t, you probably have a positive ego that you need to balance in order to think more of yourself. But maybe it’s hard for you to say no to people you like or in similar situations. In both cases, you need to learn to say “no,” and the best way to do that is to be clear and direct.
Why should you feel bad about saying no if you don’t have time to hang out with someone or do them a favor? Is that person going to love you more or less because of what you did? Do your feelings for each other depend on the favors you do for each other? The same thing happens at work. Does that subordinate or coworker take advantage of the fact that you can’t say no to anyone to get you to do their job?
In either case, you need to say no, both for your own good and for the good of the people around you, so don’t feel bad about it if you have a good reason. Doing it quickly and safely is best. It is the only way to keep the other person from trying to convince you or using emotional blackmail to get what they want.
Be Clear
Remember that you don’t have to explain why you’re saying no, so it’s up to you if you do or not. However, if you don’t talk to someone very often, it’s best to explain everything so they can’t assume anything else.
But if you want to feel better about saying no, especially in front of people you care about, it’s best to be clear about why you can’t stay or take care of something. Just say, “No, I’m sorry, I’m having lunch with my family that day,” or “No, I’m sorry, but I have to work all day.”
But if we’re talking about close friends, you can just say, “No, I don’t feel like meeting up. I’ve had a very hard week and I’m exhausted.” Wouldn’t you understand if someone told you that? Why would you be happy with less? Those who love you do so well. You will get it without having to argue.
Take your Time
We don’t always know what to say when they ask us something. If someone asks you to do something and you don’t know if you have time that day or if you can meet for lunch or dinner, you don’t have to say yes right away. When someone asks you to do them a favor that you would like to do but aren’t sure if you can, the same thing happens.
Again, be honest and don’t say anything that might make you look bad or make you feel bad if you can’t keep your word. Just say that you still don’t know if you can and that you’ll let them know as soon as you do.
Offers Alternatives
You can also say no without feeling bad by saying no and then suggesting an alternative. It’s one of the ways that assertive people like to say “no,” because being assertive is one of the best ways to talk to someone right now.
Saying “Sorry, I can’t meet this Monday, but if it works for you, we can meet next week” is an easy way to offer another choice. “Sorry, I don’t have time to help you in the morning, but if you’re not in a hurry, I do it in the afternoon.” If you find it hard to say “no,” offering an alternative will make you feel better and keep you from having guilt or problems with your conscience, even though you should never have those feelings for saying “no.”
Value your Time
And when you have doubts or feel like giving up, remember that you have to learn to value your time, which is the only thing we can’t buy and can’t get back once it’s gone. You have to make time for work, family, and yourself. You should be able to do what you want with your free time and not have to please everyone who asks you for something.
Learning to say “no” will help you feel less stressed, have more time, and have more honest relationships. In fact, they are all good things.
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